首页>>leaflotus>>leaflotus发出的点评

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leaflotus发出的点评

第二点给朋友的建议要在具体一些
发表于:2016-10-19 [查看题目与录音]
主题不清晰,需要重新组织
发表于:2016-10-19 [查看题目与录音]
锻炼身体的理由不错,也可以用keep fit的理由。可以看到美丽景色不是特别恰当,万一是城里骑车呢?用环境友好的理由更好一些
发表于:2016-09-24 [查看题目与录音]
和同学一起学习容易分心最好有个具体例子
发表于:2016-09-22 [查看题目与录音]
比方第一句成功者的力量是无穷的,第二句说大学和社会都在教我们像成功者学习,第三句谚语没看懂。前三句都没有说到底学习成功者有什么好处。第五句开始才真正是有用的论述,感觉前四句可以删掉
发表于:2016-09-02 [查看题目与录音]
On the (删掉the)one hand, it stands to reason that the power of successful models is infinite and has already exerted a significant impact on us. College education and society experience consciously or unconsciously tell us that we ought to learn from them for the sake of achievements. There is an old saying that “he that lies down with dogs must rise up with fleas”. If you keep company with someone who is ambitious and far-sighted every now and then, you’ll certainly be encouraged and determined to spare no efforts to succeed. A good beginning is half the battle, if you have no idea of what to do first before realizing your ambition, it is better to chase after someone. Via absorbing one’s essence and discarding one’s dross, you may avoid detours and shorten the time of trial and error, thus achieve more with less cost. Like the famous physicist Newton, he once said he saw further than others because he stood on the shoulder of giants. To conclude, following the steps of successful people is a good way to achieve success.从结论来看,这段是说明了跟随成功者对成功是有好处的,但是前面并没有提好处在哪里。
发表于:2016-09-02 [查看题目与录音]
非常非常感谢,评得很认真
发表于:2016-09-02 [查看题目与录音]
Nowadays, the modern society attaches greater importance to pursuing success which means realizing self-fulfillment and making a contribution to the society through one’s own endeavor. (把成功很重要和成功的定义放在一个长句子里面,容易造成重点不突出,觉得一句话最好只表达一个观点,不然就要把两个观点的逻辑层次用连接词反映出来,另外从论述看成功的重要是一个客观存在,成功的定义是作者的主观定义,放在一起容易混淆)As a consequence, a large quantity of books and lectures on success written and reported by well-known philosophers and successful people flooded the whole world. There is no doubt that it gave rise to a heated discussion as to whether we must resemble or differ from others for the purpose of success. 这句之前主要叙述的是社会上客观存在的关于成功的现象,后面主要叙述的是别人的主观想法和作者的主观想法,把成功的定义放在后面比较好。Some people hold than (that)we must be similar to others to achieving success, 还应该提一下另一些人认为是相反的,然后再说你认为的观点。it (it指代不明,容易产生歧义,最好明确指出自己的观点)depends on situations which we are confronted with. 这句话没有很好的表达出具体问题具体分析的观点,建议换个模板句子。
发表于:2016-09-02 [查看题目与录音]
分类觉得应该更明确一些,比方对于年轻人来说,跟随名人的步伐也许更容易成功,而对于有社会历练的成年人,有不同的特性可能更容易成功。你这里感觉分离不明确,你说有时候一致会成功,有时候不一致会成功,但是没有说怎样的情况一致好,怎样的情况不一致好
发表于:2016-09-02 [查看题目与录音]
1、主要的问题是主题句不突出不明确,需要看到段落结尾才知道讲的是什么 2、第二个问题没有说明什么情况下要和别人一致,什么情况要不一致。导致主题不明确。 3、语法词汇没什么问题 4、扩展部分由于主题不明确导致论述也有点模糊。 Nowadays, the modern society attaches greater importance to pursuing success which means realizing self-fulfillment and making a contribution to the society through one’s own endeavor. As a consequence, a large quantity of books and lectures on success written and reported by well-known philosophers and successful people flooded the whole world. There is no doubt that it gave rise to a heated discussion as to whether we must resemble or differ from others for the purpose of success. Some people hold than we must be similar to others to achieving success, it depends on situations which we are confronted with.(第一段没有提出自己的观点) On the one hand, it stands to reason that the power of successful models is infinite and has already exerted a significant impact on us. (没有开头给出主题句)College education and society experience consciously or unconsciously tell us that we ought to learn from them for the sake of achievements. There is an old saying that “he that lies down with dogs must rise up with fleas”. If you keep company with someone who is ambitious and far-sighted every now and then, you’ll certainly be encouraged and determined to spare no efforts to succeed. A good beginning is half the battle, if you have no idea of what to do first before realizing your ambition, it is better to chase after someone. Via absorbing one’s essence and discarding one’s dross, you may avoid detours and shorten the time of trial and error, thus achieve more with less cost. Like the famous physicist Newton, he once said he saw further than others because he stood on the shoulder of giants. To conclude, following the steps of successful people is a good way to achieve success.主题句放最后了,领悟起来有点费劲 On the other hand, the criteria of success are not always the same. 还是没有在前面给主题句If everyone in a country is similar to each other, then the nation will stagnate and obtain little progress. The society now needs more comprehensive talents to meet the requirements of ever-increasing developing economy. Initiative and creative people stand out among those who keep imitating others blindly and gradually lose their own unique personalities and strengths. Just as the noted poet Li Bai said “All things in their being are good for something.” In order to distinguish yourself in a large crowd and be competitive to succeed, you’d better maintain your special characters and specialties. Take a job interview for example, five applicants all took a curriculum vitae with them to the interview. However, among the five people, four of them had the exactly same format of resume by referring to on-line templates. Only one of them deferred from others and made his own resume all by himself. Undoubtedly, the only one who is outstanding and prominent gain the best assessment and impression from the interviewers, thus successful acquire his ideal position. In conclusion, differentiating from others is sometimes beneficial for you to be successful. From above, we can make the safe conclusion that every coin has two sides and nothing is absolutely judged. It is the same with achieving success, differing or resembling others rely on what kind of situation we are in.(总结里提到situation,文章里并没有按照不同的situation讨论。)
发表于:2016-09-02 [查看题目与录音]
同学,我非常喜欢你的内容,感觉理由很充分,解释得很清楚。语调也很不错,有个别发音问题。下面语音解释
发表于:2016-08-31 [查看题目与录音]
仅一个例子不行,要说起码两个理由理由
发表于:2016-08-31 [查看题目与录音]
不错,再加点细节把时间填完
发表于:2016-08-31 [查看题目与录音]
第二个不要说phone,因为你讨论的是internet,说一个app如wechat
发表于:2016-08-31 [查看题目与录音]
不错。细节方面要加强,比如锻炼的描述,日落的描述。
发表于:2016-08-31 [查看题目与录音]