When it comes to the issue（what issue?可适当改写题干）, I still remember the period that American economy crisis had an impact on all over the world including China. Therefore, when the solution raised about cutting support of which one ought to be decided, I reckon that education is my first choice.First of all, the quality of education calls for time to improve. As far as I am concerned, education is a project which connects with a number of people and lots of time. For instance, a primary student takes 6 years to learn to be admitted into a middle school, but there are still 12-year learning waiting for him/her to accomplish. Even though he/she is selected by universities, they(前后主语最好统一把) need another 4 years to keep on. Needless to say they want further study. So, it takes long time to witness a result of education. As for me, when I was a high school student, one day I was (sitting)on the sofa watching TV news telling economy crisis （which）was spreading over the world at 7’o clock(放在这个位置有点突兀，要么删掉，要么提前到TV news后面) in 2008. However（为什么用however转折？）, I raised my head and asked ‘’ what is ecnonmy crisis?’’ What I want to express is that at that time our family really wasn’t influenced by economy crisis, so was my education. One of reasons I think is (The answer lies in tha fact that) every family in China would like to save money in many kinds of methods. Hence even though the crsis did did harm to every country, a number of family also （still can）live in their own way withou(t) giving up (their childrens' )education. Moreover, during the period of economy crisis, unemployment and healthcare will be two of the most important things. For one thing, economy crisis leads to unemployment directly because all companys have to downsize at work （the number of employees）to reduce cost of payment. So as to improve the rate of employment, the government ought to put money into establishing factories and providing jobs. For another, as long as the umployment brust(brust是什么意思？), there will be more and more people lose opportunies to be cured.（这句话没看懂，说一旦失业危机爆发，更多人会失去就业机会。To be cured在这句话中怎么体现？想和上句联系起来的话，但是你已经说了for another了，已经被隔断） Not only the curement will be decreased, but also the whole thing of unployment will cause lots of people fall into hurts mentally and physically. Therefore, we should take measures to pay great attention on healthcare and unemployment rather than education.（这个整段并没有提及education,在这里做比较显得有点突兀）To sum up, economy crisis has a big influence on every aspect, still we must focus on emergencies to solve the severe diffculties. （still这句并没有再次明确地阐明你的观点a~~~）
When it comes to this issue（what issue？可以简单转述下题干，不然显得突兀）, some people hold （the opinion）that we should build a garden for all people to enjoy a quiet place because people are busy in the day (daily life) and thus a quiet place for relax will hold water（hold water是什么意思？). However, some people are in favor of building a sports field for high school students who lack one（lack 用法错误。而且题干中说是high shcool does not have a sports field, 并不是students）. As far as I am concerned, I tend to support giving a sports filed to students.First of all, building a garden is a waste of money because it is unnecessary for people to have relax in a garden. After a long-day heavy work, one of the most important things people urge to do is lying down and having a rest. I strongly believe that the first place coming into our mind is home. When we are tired of talking and exercising, all we need is sleeping immediately. So, there is no problem that we can have a good sleep at home rather than in a garden. I reckon that there is no place like home which can provide us with a wonderful (and) quiet rest place. What' more, we can plant flowers and raise pets, and we do anything we want in our own home. Therefore, building a garden is a waste of money that can be applied to help to set up a sports field for children. ( applied to 想表达 相比较 类似的意思吗？apply to 这里貌似用的不合适，比较用compared with setting up a sports field)Moreover, (这里连接词用的不恰当，这两段之间是一种转折关系，先说garden不好，所以否定它。接下来说另一个东西好，逻辑关系应该是 “然而”However)sports field is helpful to hold activities which need much space hence I support to build a sports field for high school students. Nowadays, more and more assignments put students under pressure due to( for the sake of) being selected into a good university that closes to the family's hope. Thus, the students really should be offered a place to take exercises and have fun to release stress. As we know, Chinese high school students shoulder responsibility and hope to fight for parents(fight 表达的有点夸张啊). Besides, they also want to be admitted into a famous university to have a good career and resume（to have a good resume and further obtain a satisfying job）. On one hand, in this case, they usually need something easy to deal with the daily emotions especially for the students who do not have a sports field. That means they can't hold sports meetings, run or organize any activities outside. I am inclined that the situation is worse than not having a garden. On the other hand, taking exercises to keep health is another reasons for (my propensity for )sports field. The body in this age of teenagers call for not only nutrition, but also sports. For one thing, keeping healthy supports us to go further and guarantee a normal life for preventing from illness. Under great pressure, students pay great attention to study which is exhausting(, which really makes them exhausted). For another thing, every year, school competes with others to achieve reputation, so the sports field plays an important role on training. (这段写的好繁复，用了on one hand, on the other hand, for one thing, for another,可以想法精炼下)
In conclusion, building a sports field promote（s） the education quality (教学质量更多是老师的责任，这里可以说是学生的study efficiency)and provide（s） opportunities to strengthen students' bodies. More attention to them, better they grow up. (The more attention they get, the better they will grow up.)Make a difference on their future.
有个问题哈，为什么在body 段用那么多的I believe, I reckon, I inclined...显得行文不客观，论证没有力啊。这些表明态度和观点的语句一般用在开头，结尾或分论点上啊，中间支持段用了好多这些，觉得不太合适，更客观地用事实或例子支持你的论点会好些。你觉得呢？~~~~
In the contemporary society, the issue concerning our living area is much discussed to a point where a deep contemplation（controversy） has been aroused. People’s ideas are easily divided over which factors is essential: choosing to live close to parents or finding a convenient place close to your working place and not too expensive. (题干里是三个选择，这里合并成两个，不晓得会不会算擅自改变题意啊？)In taking various factors into consideration, I strongly vote for the idea that we should take parents issue into account in the top priority.First and foremost, the major reason for my propensity is that we should value more about our parents. As times goes by, the decreasing times(time可以复数吗？) that we keep company with them. （这句话语法不对吧，主语是the decreasing time，后面that是定语，一句话就结束了，缺少谓语和宾语哈，改成the time that we keep company with them is decreasing.）It is highly probable that we cannot take care them if we don’t treasure the moments we get together. An illustrating example is my experience of living with my mother. Before I went home, she was always alone without my father’s company. When I arrived home, she are (was) relatively full of joy from her within. In those home time, I teach her to use computer and ipad. Essentially, a labor of love comes from my parents, it is the greatest treasure for every of us.Too boot（请教，这是什么意思？）, noteworthy is the fact that living with parents that means more often than not, you don’t need to rent or buy another house, instead, you have been equipped with some sort of sources such as job opportunity and your interpersonal relationship due to your hometown as your living place. To some extent, we are in possession of many loves from our relatives and friends, it might be expected to be your opportunity for success in whole career.To sum up, in the view of facts aforementioned, I strongly commit to the notion that there is no excuse for us to living without our parents.
就是有个第一段里的关于题干改写的问题，不晓得可不否。这样改写后，后面文章里就没有分析第三点，3. Living in an area with many shops and restaurants.
这个说的很好，很流利，而且展开的丰富，围绕cell phone，讲了三点让人不能集中的事例 ,play games, reach dates, and make social activities(建议换成communication)--chat with others.
又一个发音问题，as far as i am concerned, cencerned的发音注意下~~